I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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