Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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