you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
