Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sorry about my life...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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