it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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