Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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