half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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