I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i drank out of a bidet.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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