So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
