Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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