just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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