Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
