It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
