dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
