I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Your mouth is God's brothel.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
