LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
