If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
