My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
