don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
