i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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