I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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