Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
