Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it was like eating out sand paper
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
