Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
