dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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