someone threw a dead crab at me
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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