I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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