Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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