beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
