Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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