im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
