I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
