i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Randomize
