So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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