She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
