i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Randomize
