I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
