I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
