Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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