She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
