Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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