I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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