Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I need to calm my uterus...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
