i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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