$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
