was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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