ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
