I'm drive I can fine osifer
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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