I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
