It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
