Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
