Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
